Rapes, Mohan Bhagwat and Asaram Bapu

He came to me, all depressed, dishevelled and tamed.

Me- Dude are you OK?

Senti Singh- Yeah Man, I am good, body temperature is 102 F

Me- Ahhh...so they changed it from 98.6!!! Anyway why you look sad?

Senti Singh- She didn't even call me to ask how I am man. She is important to me.

Me- ...

The guy had a 102 F and that was not bugging him at all, what was bugging him was that "his girl" hadn't called him. Love does crazy things to people. I wanted to explain to him a lot of things, to infuse sanity into him and may be get him into a Love Rehab but then i refrained myself. He is necessary to the society. People like these are an indication that the future for girls is safe and secure in India. The hard work put in by these protests, marches and organisation hasn't made much impact on his kind of people but that fever has made him realize the importance of women. For such kind, women are not merely vital for life but are actually REVITAL for life. These guys can never allow female foeticide not because it's morally wrong or it's equivalent to murder but because they fear that may be down the line when their sons are suffering from 102 F there would be no girl to ask them how they are and thus cure him!!! No offence to any medicos because for the rest of us allopathy still works. Well to each man his own the ultimate result is a girl child saved.

So the best way to make Delhi safe is through Biotechnology Advancement. If we could somehow infuse every boy in Delhi with Oxytocin (the love hormone) and make them feverish at 102 F, we might be able to make them realize the Vital importance of girls in life thereby teaching them how to respect women. One way or the other. Problem Solved...

What RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat said in his highly controvercial speech about Men, Women and Marriage, for which he was grilled; he was merely trying to underline what our Senti Singh is experiencing.  Mr Mohan Bhagwat ofcourse added the RSS flavour to it. What this proves is that Sita would have been saved not by calling Ravan bhaiya but probably by asking Ravan how he was and making him realize the importance of women in life. I am afraid I can't agree with you Asaram Bapu in your Men, Rape and Sisters speech. I mean Senti Singh definitely has a sister who called her up to ask, how he was, yet his fever stayed at 102 F...

P.S- Sorry yar Senti Singh, just couldn’t control myself :P   

Withdrawal Symptoms 1

                                                             

So there i was sitting dishevelled on the bleachers of the football ground. It was a breezy afternoon with the smell of freshly mown grass and of the upcoming spring prevalent in the air. The temperature was just perfect, neither hot, nor cold and not at all humid. The best part however was the Football practice of the university girls’ team going on there. The heaving and sweating bodies, the grunts of putting in efforts and the flushing of the cheeks was a sight to cherish. Had it been any other time I would have indeed cherished it, I mean it’s not every day in IIT do you get to see 23 girls running with their shorts flapping and T-Shirts hugging to their bodies. But nothing was interesting to me that day, not weather, not smell, not even girls. I tried to put myself into the book again. I had come to the ground because the room was biting me. I needed some fresh air. The book couldn’t keep hold of my interest.

I wanted my dose; I had to have it, desperately, anyhow, by hook or by crook. I felt as if I had to put in efforts to breathe. My head was feeling kind of funny yet nothing worth laughing came out when i spoke. So what was it? My body temperature was slightly elevated and I had previously run to mess for food and yet couldn’t swallow one single bite. I was trying to fight against it, not to succumb to it but like a camel in a marshy land, I was getting caught up more and more. My efforts were only fuelling my burning desire. I tried to stop that craving by biting my thumb, by running a 100 m dash, by jumping from 10 feet but all in vain, none could give me that high which i wanted. And then after trying all what i can think of which was nothing much seeing that my brain was numb; I decided to have my dose- I called her... 

Desi Scotch

A lot has happened since last i wrote, Anna’s party disintegrated (as if we actually expected something worthwhile to happen), Australia has agreed to sell us Uranium, Indian Rupee is at all time low, India got raped in England, the 2G scamsters got bailed and we finally had the ‘million dollar baby’ on Nov 16. What has not happened is the elusive century of the God. Blogging is like an erection, once you procrastinate it due to any reason whatsoever, the zeal kind of dies and the more often you do the stronger the subsequent excitation is required. So it was kind of fitting that the blog has come after me viewing the Dirty Picture. I never thought that the movie could affect me 2.5 feet above from where i actually expected it to. If you can survive the embarrassing first half then you are in for a post ‘on the rocks Chivas’ feel. My city is not small by any means yet somehow this movie was released in a movie theatre usually reserved for educative movies. FYI for those who have never been into one of these movie theatres, these are very clean and odourless. The comments however reeked of previous experiences of the people out there. Not that i mind these comments usually but just that i had started to like the movie. If you remove the silken covering what blossoms is a very rare treat, seldom are such strong and innovative women centred movies made. It reminded me somewhat of Fashion but this one was definitely better owing to its non clichéd unhappy ending. The contamination of innocence into a sadist and cynic practicality here was stronger than any contemporary movie. It was surprising to find out that there could be people who can dare to go against such a strong tide. Silk actually made us think that right-wrong, correct-incorrect and moral-immoral are a matter of perception rather than a clear demarcation indicating them. Naseeruddin Shah was phenomenal as usual, his chemistry with Vidya Balan was evident in all the cheesy jokes which incinerated the whole movie hall. With his rapidly advancing age it was implicit that this much exertion might render Naseeruddin Shah dead but he defied all i guess.  The role of Tushar Kapoor was that of a brainless and spineless guy which he did to perfection.  I personally never thought that in a movie involving Emraan Hashmi i would ever see someone else being the bed time star. The random naive guy who was told that he could buy off Silk in 100 rs was one of the many touches of simplicity in the otherwise materialUstic a world portrayed. All in all the movie has something for everyone- the critics, the perverts and the enthusiasts.

**dedicated to all the flavours of 1 rupee which was spent for Silk by the ‘random’ guy :-P

The Bearded Usain Bolt - Baba Ramdev

To all the lesser mortals, Baba was not running and panting it was a nationwide release of a new asana, kapalabhati on the move. Well with all due respect to Baba the UPA actually did make Baba discover some new dimensions. It provided him with a rare opportunity to try out a non-saffron coloured ‘dress’ also Baba with all the Yogasanas will obviously have a lot of time to spend on earth and hence has never been seen in hurry till now, good work UPA.

Kapil Sibal the successor of our dearest HRD minister Arjun Singh went through all the hardships viz- chartered jet, five star hotel, press coverage, to appease Baba but to no avail, he proved quite adamant. That was one mistake however which Baba committed, he took it as a Dogfight while it should have been taken as Dogfighting instead. Lokpal Bill where it all started has taken the pillion seat it seems but nonetheless the agitation of the Delhi police did cement the friendship between Baba & Anna. Although looking at Anna’s advanced age i suppose Anna himself would have realised that he would require the friendship of Baba to be chirayu. They say Great men make great mistakes and they also say Boys become men only after committing mistakes, well it seems either our turbanator is on his way to greatness or becoming a man, politically. With the backfiring decision of lathi charge on the Baba brigade the Great Indian PM Pizza has just started being baked desi bereft of any Italian Dressing in it.

The verbose Digvijay Singh has raised his gold laden finger on Baba being over qualified for a sanyasi and called him a businessman. It has been made to look as if the fight for the Lokpal Bill and the return of Black Money is a part of Corporate Social Responsibility(CSR) of Baba’s empire. The patanjali Yoga peeth is being questioned for their assets while so many fellow comrades of Diggy Raja are under question. The CBI enquiry of the trust is more of a school boy revenge rather than an issue of national importance.  Even if such is the case the CSR did give the UPA a run for their money and to Switzerland at that. We might in future see the bi party system in India, the Democratic Anna Party and the Ramdev Republican Party, who will u vote???
    

The Smoothest Move Ever

Well it has been three weeks since i came to this place with the overhead oven, i refer the sun here only to underline the heat so no colourful thoughts please. Although the transformation took a bit of time but now i have adopted the colours of the place well. They say don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time well i got to know of this way after i had taken the only tangible step to becoming an engineer, IIT-JEE, any way we’ll skip the unpleasantaries here.

So there i was in Inox for some tantalising pleasures to my gluttony and to my eyes. And then i saw them sitting pretty like tiny specks of vanilla in Belgian chocolate (flavours only please). A look was enough to tell me that the guy was an I-Banker, earns big money, had a joint family and yes, a north Indian. Well even on a weekend he had his Bluetooth head set on enough to tell that the guy could be one of those being grilled big time by bigger firms for even bigger money. No two (out of 4) of his family members looked like they can be put together on a two-wheeler implies big money. North Indian was obvious and i’ll get to the joint family in just a while. Since my action movie was not for another 45 minutes compounded with the sadly persistent fact that i was alone, i decided to watch this family movie. Well i went and sat at the table just opposite to them and it was then when i saw something which rendered me with the only option of sitting down and crossing my legs to avoid the embarrassment. The uncle must have had a tough week in the office and i guess for the whole week bed only proved for him to be a sleeping place. Any way an insect sat on the auntie’s shoulder, the uncle seized it, the mosquito as well as the opportunity. The tiny thing demanded only a second’s attention but time stood frozen for uncle it seemed. I guess at that moment we both were admiring the fact that auntie had been endowed a bit too amply by the almighty. Well with a move that was too smooth to be humanly possible, his hand slid all the way down from her shoulder to her side and finally found solace in her lap. It would have been morally wrong for me to sit there for any longer and hence i got up to leave immediately. I couldn’t help but to smile on the fact that the children would have a hard time to sleep peacefully that night...

**the joint family thing was more of an intuition than reasoning.

A Quiet Hangover

First of all neither is this a post-another-beautiful-gal-broke-my-heart-up post nor is this a the-morning-after-heavy-booze-in-the-night write-up, so all near and dear please think straight. As a matter of fact this one which i am enduring right now is more sinister than the two mentioned above. The first one has a remedy ‘to move on’, yes this is what your friends and sisters say after your heart tissues have been stretched beyond their elastic limit, also the fabled ‘you deserve a better one’ and tell u what it kind of workS. Yes that ‘S’ instead of ‘ed’ was mournfully deliberate. The second one has a remedy ‘to go on’ drinking water, actually the physiological condition during a hang over is same as during dying of drought, hence the water the rescuer. This one has absolutely no practical cure. Enough of what this hangover is not and we’ll start with what it is. Yesterday i had one of the best meals in my life in the mess of an engineering college!!! Impossibly insane as it might be, yet it did happen with me. Neither was i served Caviar nor was i sharing the table with any Victoria’s Secret Model but i had an opportunity to open my mouth for some reason which was different from eating rice. I hadn’t uttered a word for the past one week during my lunch. No, nobody has got the better of me in wits but with my knowledge of South India limited only till the word Rajnikanth i was bound to have this problem. The reality struck me all the more severely after 24 full hours of Hindi speaking and abusing and eating. For most of our lives we are taught by ‘cool’ people to ignore what others are saying and carrying on, well i am just being taught this practically.

**dedicated to swapnil, dhingra, IIIT Hyderabad

Spoons

Akka(Didi) ho gaya. I am done Akka, i have had enough...She so very sweetly put some more RICE in my plate after hearing something she didn’t understand and i started with the rice after hearing something which i didn’t understand. All this happened with smiles all around. This is an altogether a new situation for me, not the not understanding part, no, i have had enough vivas for this where i don’t understand what is being asked of me and when i answer the prof doesn’t understand what is being told to him and mind you only the prof is stupid, what is new is the mutual smiling. I have never been pampered so much in my life neither at home nor away as i m done here. After every morsel i am asked- how is the food, did u like it??? With smile on their faces and sparks in their eyes, these people are indeed very proud on their culture, which i am sorry to admit but we north Indians lack. Neway my answer is always the same, nice, delicious, tasty, new. And don’t think that the answer is out of fear of being pulverised by my friends and co-interns but the food actually is nice here. After being famished on the mess food for two years with the same taste (bad taste) and the same smell (the MESS smell) i can very well appreciate the spices’ aroma and taste in the food here. The weather is nice and the people are nicer. I haven’t paid for my lunch for the past three days straight!!! The confusion which i face after bath as to me being wet due to water or sweat is ofcourse a small price to pay for all these incentives. The fabled old Hyderabad still seems to be a weekend away from me though. Never ever have i enjoyed more working as much as i do here in my intern, integration and enthalpy calculation was never more fun. Next time i meet you i bet i can explain all what u wanna ask through sign language which is very rapidly becoming my third fluent language.

This land where restaurants are called as Tiffin Centres and where people love to make toung twisters out of their names and put extra ‘H’ in them has just started feeling home.

**dedicated to my flight to Hyderabad in which i drank atleast 4 glasses of water and learned that the air hostesses go alternate when summoned ;-) :-P