I Don't Know

I Don't Know

I have a decent enough G.K., i mean ,not the BQC champions' like but still good.Though i am a bit embarrassed to say but a girl, yes a girl ,makes me realize that i am a dud.She is not super intellectual or something but, she just makes me know what i never knew that, i didn't know.

I don't know why i wake up from the deepest of slumbers when her name is announced in the class attendance.I ,in whose blood vessels confidence flow dominates the blood flow,start stammering in front of her.Why my hands automatically move to ruffle my hair when she looks at me?Why a simple hii or a smile from her keeps me bouncing for the day?Why her group dances are solo performances for me?Why i suddenly started to feel envy from those guys who could dance well?

I don't know why i started hating a certain separatist leader a little less?Why i started looking out for her name in the library register and attendance register?Why any show of emotion on her face keeps me pondering for its origin?Why i became indifferent to other 'good' girls of the college?Why could i never talk freely with other gals when she was around?Why i have to rack my brain for long just for a proper breaking of ice?

I don't know why i remember each and every SMS from her in their chronological order?Why i reread every message before sending it to her?Why every unanswered SMS makes my belief still more firm that our country really has some worn out satellites?

I don't know why i want to hate her, and why don't i succeed in it?Why all my laughs, nowadays ,end in sighs?Why i want to avoid the smiling faces of my friends?Those affectionate bastards asked me, why don't i forget her, i might get someone much better.How can i forget her when all the parameters for a 'good' girl for me are set by none ,but her.For once in life i pray to make me believe in absolute rather than relative grading.

I saw her and fell for her,

I met her and tried for her,

I talked to her and craved for her,

I was ignored and obliviated by her,

I was shattered and pained by her,

I wanna hate her, but then why do i still love her???