post pre break up

some of the fortunate ones have the pleasure of being in love, more fortunate ones have had the the pleasure of being in love again and again and again...

someone left her, she didn't have a choice. she left me, i didn't have a choice, and now i get to leave Someone who doesn't have a choice either. as it happens we never think of having to leave or being left when we start, we just go on with the euphoria of having started. we start with an admiration of the person, then we collect the balls to contact, be friends, share our highs and lows and then we collect our balls again and say the right thing. i was with her for 2.5 years and She has been with me for almost 4.5 years. towards the end i knew the string was getting frayed by the day but i never realized it'll break someday. conversely She knows from the very beginning that i will eventually leave Her, yet She loves me with all Her might, of all the things She has taught me, the one i cherish the most is- how to love. She taught me how to love and i loved her with all my might. She was there when i developed my love for writing, She was there when i developed my love for squash, She was there when i developed my love for Ganga, She was there when i started to put my family at the top most pedestal and She was also there when i started loving her.

the other she was not happy when i shared my love with my friends, was sad when i developed a love for my career and was livid when i displayed my love for my parents, yet i loved her and She loves me. she watched me do good and at times better than her, i do remember that her wishes sounded frail but She teaches me that the way i can look farther is by standing on the shoulders of the giants and who can dwarf her! she tried to sequester me from my family, my friends, my passion and my aim and She has gifted me my friends, my passion and my aim. yet i loved her and She loves me.

when the distances grew bigger she made me aware of it. whenever i am away from her, She reminds me how close we are. when we broke apart i was crying and she displayed amazing control, it was the first time i had a heart break, it was the first time a dream cherished so lovingly, nurtured and kept safe for so long had broken apart, i cried for so long and i still get those intermittent periods of pain. so, what happens when we break up, now that the time is so excruciatingly near, i believe that we both would have tears but we will smile, She has had thousands of break ups before me and i now also have one experience under my belt.

i remember one fine evening on the Ganga ghat i made two promises, she broke my promise to her but i am sure She is looking forward to me fulfilling my promise. i  intended to fulfill both and i intend to fulfill one at least.

we will not leave each other as easily as i was left before, we are in love and we always will be, me and my Benares